moving on moving over

I have 3 blogs that I don't use. So I'm deleting this one and I'm going to actually use the other one(s). Well, that's the plan at least. So...find me @ www.mustdancewilltravel.blogspot.com

Being a contradiction

I like being a contradiction, even if sometimes it's just strange.

I want to be wealthy, and yet I want a community lifestyle:
  In my perfect world I would spend my days working a most likely corporate or governmental job, but when I get home I want more than just my immediate family. That's part of the reason why my sister and I want to live together (husbands--if we get married, kids--if they happen, etc. included). We want to have our own community at home that we can share with. More so than just the immediate family, the family created biologically, but also the family created through bonding.

I'm a fitness fanatic, yet I smoke.
  Sure, it's a nasty habit that does nothing for me. And sure, I'll probably quit within the year. But as of right now, that's how it is.

Polyamory yes, monogamy yes, open relationship NO!
  I love the idea of polyamory. Many loves, yes please! You find multiple people that fulfill different needs. Monogamy I don't quite understand, but I think it can be done if you have the right base. But open relationships? The idea rubs me the wrong way. See with polyamory (again, in my ideal world) I'd have my lover, my boyfriend/husband, and our girlfriend/wife. If everything closes up nice and neatly my lover would be my boy-/girlfriends respective other. Everyone knows, likes (or at least appreciates), and respects each other. Open-ness means to me not only being open to each other about the fact that there are others--which is good--but also being open to the fact that there are others. Others you may never meet--I'm not okay with this. Knowing about someone isn't the same as knowing someone, to me knowing about someone without knowing them may as well be cheating. To top things off: I see nothing wrong with sharing a guy with a close gal-pal and/or boyfriend.

I love cuddle-puddles (thanks Petite for the phrase!), but one-on-one exhausts me.
   Cuddle-puddles are fantastic. A huge pack of people getting warmth, closeness, and what amounts to emotional love (in a calm your emotions and let your body bask in the glow way) together is one of my favorite things to do. But one-on-one cuddling? Well, it drains me. I don't feel comfortable receiving so much from one person, but it's not something that can be one-sided, it defeats the purpose.

Near nude/Burlesque, sure! Nudist, no thanks.
  I don't mind dropping down to my underwear (I don't fully participate in nude activities) and/or being surrounded by people wearing the same or less. I think it's great to be able to see so many bodies in their natural form...but spending every waking moment naked ruins it for me.

Naturalist vs hippie
   Hippies get a bad rap. When I think of hippies I think of naturalists on drugs. Perhaps that's my own hang-up. But being natural, wanting only things from nature in your body seems completely, well, natural to me. Why ruin that with a distorted mental view? I know many people think that drugs only heighten everything you are experiencing, I think it detracts from it completely.

Peace projects and hand-to-hand.
  They balance each other, yes?

Pro-choice AND anti-abortion.
  Everyone needs to make their own choice. I would never choose abortion. But I would also never choose chemotherapy. To me they are the same thing. Two very similar living things living in your body, taking from your resources, leaving you exhausted and with very little will to do much except let it take over. They are both extreme financial, mental, and emotional drains. The difference: One kills you outright, the other somehow tricks you into thinking that it's all worth it! But again, just because abortion isn't my choice does not mean it isn't the correct choice for someone else. I have no judgement against those who decide to have abortions or chemotherapy--you need to do what makes the most sense for you.

What have I missed?

You can't get a boner in battle, limbo is almost over, oh, and Valentine's Day

I'm big on street fighting, if you didn't know. Not to solve problems or as a viable duel option, but because it's fun. Yes, fun. If it's for sport and not violence I'm all about it. There's something about doing hand-to-hand that gets me going. I think it's so much better than gun and knife play--much more powerful and worthy, if you ask me--although that's a bit contradictory. So anyhow Sis and I go to a Krav class thinking to brush up on some skills and hopefully learn a few new ones when this happened. There was this guy, this poor guy that when I first met him I understood exactly why he felt he needed to take this class, this guy that could barely hit (seriously, we use pads to protect ourselves, but I'm not sure I would have felt it without one), this guy that was grouped with us when we went on to multiple-attackers work. Why he would be willing to be paired with the two girls known for hitting harder than some of the guys is beyond me. Then we got to the pinning/floor work part. Poor guy, maybe he likes being dominated because he was definitely getting excited. He didn't even seem embarrassed, which I guess I understand but to me it's a little strange, it means you aren't really focusing on what you should be focusing on...besides it's just a bad idea to get a boner in battle. Especially when you're getting your ass kicked!
So...moving on...
...my sis is almost definitely leaving in a month (ish)! Oh, WOW! This is good and bad. Good because, well she's been waiting since August to get her ticket, we've been wondering if it's going to actually happen, and while she's gone I have 27 months to travel until we're back here for y'know, life. So I have a little over 2 years to find a career or suitable job so I can get this debt down and save for that house! But the point is, we've been waiting this entire time to see if she was even going to leave (deal was she left, I would too; she stayed, I would too) and now we know! Well, 95% sure. Which is awesome because I have two finished applications (one in Costa Rica, the other in Japan) that I'm just waiting to send as soon as I get word. It helps me not freak out about what's next, having the next 2 years to country hop. I mean there's plenty of time for the headaches of the past few months: bills, school loans, working enough hours... but enough about that. Oh oh, and hopefully I'll have a Master's after this trip as well! Exciting, no? Something that I noticed the other day is that this summer it'll be 5 years since I left for Europe. 5 is a nice number, yes? I'm excited, although I won't be getting responses until May! Can you believe that?! MAY! So I'll just be biting my nails, asking myself a million questions, and doing a bit of saving until that day comes.
Another day that's coming up: Valentine's Day.
I don't love it, I don't hate it, I don't even necessarily understand it. But it is what it is. If it's your style and you're all about it I would like to say Happy Valentine's Day! If you're not, well then, it's just another day right? With an abundance of pink we've seen since New Years. <~~That, however, does bother me.

So...this is life.

I work to pay off the government because I went to a 4-year like I was told I had to all my life. (Positive side: I had the option of going to a 4-year, many people still don't)

Work interferes with the things I do to keep me sane. (Positive: well, at least I have extra-curriculars)

I'm stuck in a vicious cycle: I work to pay for school, I work to pay for my extra-curriculars, I meet people through my extra-curriculars, but in order to spend time with these people I would need to spend more money, meaning I would need to work more, meaning I have less time to spend with others/do my extra stuff.
(Positive: I'm still trying to find one. At least I have jobs?)

Which begs me to question: Is this really all there is?

Why I don't share my bed

I've mentioned this. My friends make fun of me for it. But the fact remains the same: I do not share beds (while sleeping).

I don't think it's that strange, really. Let's take a journey through memory lane. Remember that stuffed pet you always had? The one that parents couldn't get away from you without weathering a trememndous temper tantrum? Even if they only wanted to take it to wash it, 1.5 hours, max, you just couldn't bear to be without it!
Yeah, I never had one of those. And I definitely never SLEPTED with a stuffed creature in my bed, it would take up precious space, you see?
Sleeping with another person...do you know how much space a person takes? Not only that, but I'm a naturally irritable person--it bothers me when other people move around. Keep me awake, even. Not that I don't move because boy, do I! Since I graduated to a lovely queen bed I've become accustomed to using all of my space. And I do mean ALL OF IT. I'm not a sound sleeper, and I'm not a quiet or still sleeper. I wake up on my stomache, sprawled out in the middle of the bed, then curled up on the side, then yet again tangled in my covers on the other side. If another person was there I wouldn't sleep at all because I'm very fond of the invisible line. I will not cross over and touch you, please don't touch me.
Besides, I'm not a good person to sleep next to anyways, I talk, I walk, I flail about. Bad times for everyone. I use FOUR pillows! Yes, four. Two normal/small pillows and two body pillows. If I must, I can make two work, but really I prefer my four.

So you see, what I'm really saying is: You wouldn't want to sleep next to me.

It all started because of a picture...

Alright, so I've mentioned several times that I hate how open people are with their lives online--mainly putting so many pictures up of what should be private on a sight like Facebook. But I understand everybody has their own point of view, and some people get so excited about what's going on in their lives that they just have to share. Well, I don't. And so I started with some of my ex-cheer gals...and just kept going. Kept going until I dropped my numbers drastically, almost in half! Buh-bye over 200 people! I thought I'd keep it around 500--it's a nice round number and all--but I snapped! I'm happy for you, I'm glad you're married and have welcomed a baby into this world. However I DO NOT need to see 20 pictures a day of your baby bundled up doing nothing (because hey, it's a picture) so I followed the advice that so many spout off when they do something that others don't like: Well just delete me.
Unless I actually talk to the person, think I'll talk to them in the future, or want to hold on to that last link with them for some reason or another I deleted. And let me tell you, it takes some time. It's not like Facebook has a multiple 'unfriend' option. No, you have to do each one.

Worth it.

In other worthy news I am officially an ACE-certified Fitness Professional. Boom baby! Funny thing is I'm only certified for two years (longer if I keep up on my continuing education classes, of course) and I probably won't be in the US for the majority of it. So long as I'm in a place where I have internet I'll be fine but you know, the irony of it all.

I may or may not be drunk

I'm going to be honest with you--I think of Alpha from time to time. Sometimes I just want him. I know people say you never forget your first love, I didn't realize they meant the first time you make love (have sex, whatever). But that's not the point. The point is--I went to a pre-New Year's Eve bash and, even though the DJ wasn't all of that, we had to get our money's worth and so I had a lot of champagne, like a lot a lot. I'm pretty sure I finished a bottle all by myself. And so I'm thinking of the things I said I would never say, mainly how I wonder if Alpha and I could have made it. I know it's been 2 years and so I shouldn't be thinking it, but it doesn't stop me. And after what feels like a hundred years of no sex...yeah, I want him, and I want him bad. I should instead think about all of the things that have changed, and how if one thing changes then so many things change as a result (which is why I love the What If Game).
~~
All of that was written in a moment of weakness, but I don't regret it. I think it's sad, pathetic, and weird that I was surrounded by attractive guys and didn't care, but then as soon as I got home I thought, hmmm, in my drunken state now is the perfect time to tell the internet that, why yes, I do still think about a mistake I made. Except I don't think of it as a mistake, it's hard to. I still think I made that choice for a reason. See! I talk myself in circles, it's ridiculous!
Anyhow, I'm glad there was a pre-NYE bash because the tradition we have going in my family is to always start the new year with people you intend to finish it with, and, except for one year (ick), I've always been here with my family. We have a delicious steak and seafood dinner, Poppa always gets me sparkling cider (have I mentioned how much I love cider?) we watch movies and then the fireworks. Some say it's too low-key, what about the strangers, what about the alcohol, what about blahblahblah. It works for me, well it works for us, and isn't it better to start a new year with so many possibilities with the people that you know will be there to love, help, and support you?
Exactly.

Happy New Year!